Friday, March 2, 2007

day one

Ok, so the saltwater flush totally sucks. It tastes horrible. A friend of mine (editor of the fabulous magazine Herbivore: described it as the same feeling as when you're a little kid, swimming in the ocean, getting knocked over by huge waves and swallowing seawater. . . but you're too stupid to get out onto dry land. YES! That is just what it feels like. I made it through almost the whole liter.

I had heard that this reacts with you body by giving you "butt pee" or something like that. An accurate description. It's a horrible, sickly color. Yet, it's kinda cool. Seriously-- the senna tea gave me a nice robust movement in the morning (not that I usually have any trouble with that, being both vegan and a fiberholic, I'm used to that), but the saltwater flush got out so much more that I guess would have just languished inside my colon? Interesting.

I'm on to the lemonade drink, which is really not all that bad. In fact, it tastes kinda good! The cayenne is a little strong, but it makes it a pretty color-- maybe I'll take pics of that at some point? I could post it on food porn on the Post Punk Kitchen forums (

It's a good thing I like lemons.

Right now I feel hungry, but not horribly so. It's only 10:00 am, though, so I've only missed one meal. We'll see how I feel later today.

I think I might take Josh's advice and make the lemonade slushy tonight while John eats dinner.

Later that night:

The first day is horrible. I've been having mood swings, and I've been pretty bleh. I took a two hour nap in the middle of the day, and I'm ready for bed (really really tired) even though it's only 10:45 or so. I guess I need to make it over the hump? I am trying to think about this one day at a time-- thinking that I have nine more days of this is too horrible to contemplate.

I am kind of worried about getting all my work done-- I was going to take the weekend off, but I don't think I will. I am going to start doing a little work tomorrow, even if I just grade my midterms. I have a ton of stuff hanging over my head and I think it's overwhelming me and making me feel more unhappy.

But yay! I've gone over 24 hours without eating! Holy crap!

Interesting phenomena: my mouth tastes fucking horrid. And the "smooth move" tea is so fucking nasty, it cannot even be described. It makes my mouth angry. I am going to brush the hell out of my mouth in a minute. I feel like I smell bad, but John tells me I don't and I don't think he's just being kind. I kind of feel like my nose is going crazy right now.

Ok, day two tomorrow. One day at a time.

I forgot to weigh myself today, but I will record weight tomorrow.

Thursday, March 1, 2007

evening before the fast

Weight: 186 lbs.

I'm kind of freaked out and nervous. I've never done any fasts or cleanses ever before, and so I'm feeling this is going to be a doozy. It's my spring break, so I can kick back, relax, not have to worry about snapping at my students or friends, and play World of Warcraft all day. Well, I do have to edit a paper, write a paper, grade 38 midterms, and catch up on the reading for the one class I've been bowing off. . . well. . . never mind.

I just drank my first glass of laxative tea, and it was fucking nasty. I downed a big glass of water afterward. Tomorrow begins the fast proper, beginning with my first salt-water flush. Gulp.

My last meal was some Soul Veg: BBQ tofu sandwich, cabbage, and macaroni and cheeze. I ate the macaronis one or two at a time, because I knew they were the last macaronis or really anything I will eat for ten whole days. Woah.

For those who might be unfamiliar with the regimen I'm following, here's the breakdown:

From The Master Cleanser, by Stanley Burroughs:


To dissolve and eliminate toxins
To cleanse the kidneys and digestive system
To eliminate built-up waste and hardened material in the lower intestine and colon


Ten days (can be done up to 40 days)


Lemonade, 6-12 glasses/day
Herbal laxative tea in the evening
Saltwater flush or laxative tea in the morning

Lemonade recipe:

2 tbs. lemon or lime juice
2 tbs. grade B maple syrup
1/10 tsp. cayenne pepper
10 oz. water

All ingredients are combined in a glass and consumed six to twelve times a day.

Saltwater Flush

Prepare a full quart of luke-warm water, and add two level teaspoons of sea salt. Drink first thing in the morning, on an empty stomach.

There we go. The first post is made, the first cup of tea is taken. No going back now! Except going to the bathroom.

the master cleanse experience

This blog is for me to document my experience doing the Master Cleanse over the next ten days. I will record changes in weight, interesting bodily processes, and descriptions of how I feel throughout the process. It may get gross: you've been warned!